Let the airing of grievances commence!

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As many of you know, today is Festivus, a day when all of us come together to express how each and everyone of us has disappointed each other in the past year. Since 2005, as a way of celebrating the holiday without offending anyone, each year I discuss how the Dodgers have disappointed me each year. And as Dodger fans, you all know they do a lot to disappoint us each year. So here I share for you the members of the Dodgers organization who have disappointed me in 2009/

Jonathon Broxton: So let me get this straight, you can turn Albert Pujols, the greatest hitter in the game right now, into Andruw Jones, but somehow pitching to Matt Stairs and his .194 batting average turns you into Brett Tomko? Explain that please.

James Loney: Triple-slash line for 2009: .281/.357/.399 with 13 home runs. That would be decent if you were a starting shortstop. Unfortunately you're our starting first baseman, and you're proving my point that 2007 was an anomally.

George Sherill: We acquired you for Josh Bell. We acquired because you're good against lefties. We acquired you because you kill lefties. We acquired you because most of the Phillies lineup is composed of lefties. We acquired you because we would likely face the Phillies on the way to the world series. We acquired you to get to the World Series. So in a sense, we traded Josh Bell on the suspicion that you would get us to the World Series. And so what do you do against the first 3 Phillies you face in the postseason? Walk, walk, home run, on our way to a 5-game defeat. We traded Josh Bell for nothing.

Russell Martin: Triple-slash line for 2009: .250/.352/.329. Now for a catcher that's not as atrocious as it looks. However, it's extremely atrocious when compared to this: .290/.413/.530. That's Carlos Santana's line for Akron.

Casey Blake: Triple-slash line for 2009: .280/.363/.468 with good defense. So why are you on this list? Oh right, .290/.413/.530 for Carlos Santana in Akron.

Chad Billingsley: Dear Chad, you may or may not know this but I am one of your biggest fans. Ever since you got called up in 2006, I've told everyone how you would become the next great Dodger ace. I have cheered for you during all your highs and stood up for you through all your lows. In a way, I feel like Pedro Cerrano to your Jobu, taking the heat for you from all the lazy Eddie Harris-like sportswriters and fans want to run you out of town for not being the lord and savior Roy Halladay. But it seems like whenever things are going good (like when you're on your way to pitching a shutout, getting out of a jam, or your on your way to a Cy Young season) and my faith in you is justified, you somehow throw me a curveball that lands me flat on my ass and has me defending you from all the naysayers all over again. So in 2010, I'm giving you yet another chance, and if you put together a great season, my faith in you will be redeemed. But if you don't Chad, don't be surprised if you hear me saying this at some point next season: "Look, I go to you. I stick up for you. You no help me now. I say "Fuck you," Chad, ...I'll root for Scott Elbert."

Manny Ramirez: Really? You take a women's fertility drug because of "personal health issues?" You'd better be pregnant by now or I'd say your doctor gave you the wrong stuff.

Jamie McCourt: So you wanted us to think that signing a superstar outfielder would prevent you from building 50 little league baseball fields? Well maybe if you hadn't bought four mansions and were flying your new boyfriend to Taiwan on a "business trip" maybe the Dodgers could afford both. Or perhaps they could offer arbitration to departing players, or give bonuses to unsigned draft picks, or acquire mid-season rotation help, or give not give up highly-touted prospects in every trade the Dodgers make. Look, I don't mind it when people live off their wealth when they've earned it, in fact I encourage it. But what I don't like is when people who insist on living off their wealth scream poverty and act like a victim when things don't go their way. And I have even less sympathy for them when they act like their business is a charity as a result of that. If you want to act like Mother Teresa you'd better BE Mother Teresa.

Frank McCourt: Seriously, did you max out all of your Visa cards just to buy this team? I didn't realize that Fannie Mae gave out sub-prime mortgages to baseball teams as well. Perhaps I could've applied...

Bud Selig: So the McCourt's are financially sound enough to buy the Dodgers, huh? It's hard to look past the fact that this might have something to do with deflating player's salaries when Mark Cuban is denied ownership while Jeffery Loria gets to destroy a second franchise. With the way things have been going, while everybody's hoping the next owner might be Eli Broad, I wouldn't put it past you to put Bruce McNall in charge.

And lastly, the 2009 Los Angeles Dodgers: You win 95 games, the most you've ever won since the year I was born. You were in first place since the 9th game of the season. Best record in the National League, and you 99 wins on your Pythag. record to prove that it wasn't a fluke. And yet despite all of that, you still can't get into the World Series? What does this team have to do to win another World Series in my lifetime, reincarnate the entire 1927 Yankees and put them on the 40-man roster? Do you know how long it's been since you've won anything? 21 years. That means fans that were born after the last championship are now old enough to legally drown their misery in whiskey (if they haven't been doing so already). So please, I beg of you, win something in 2010, because after next season I get the feeling I'll be writing these "grievances" a lot more often.