Manny Ramirez And The Sexual Dysfunction Defense
by Eric Stephen on May 12, 2009 1:20 AM PDT
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PrintSkinner: This is absurd! I did not have relations in that closet and the fact is I haven't ... [hesitates] um ...
Chalmers: Yes?
Krabappel: Seymour, I think you'd better tell them. It's the only way to clear our names.
Skinner: Well, everyone, the fact is, I haven't ever had relations. I am a virgin.
[the crowd is stunned]The Simpsons, Grade School Confidential
Manny Ramirez has already dropped the appeal of his suspension, so technically he has accepted his guilt relative to banned substances by Major League Baseball.
However, in what appears to be an effort to clear his name in the court of public opinion, Ramirez has trotted out a defense that's just crazy enough to work. Per Dylan Hernandez of the Times:
In a statement issued by the players' union, Ramirez said he took "a medication, not a steroid," prescribed by a physician unaware that the substance was banned under baseball's drug policy.
Although anti-doping experts have said HCG is commonly used to replenish testosterone after a cycle of steroids, sources close to Ramirez have suggested the HCG was prescribed to combat issues surrounding sexual performance.
I'm not saying Manny is innocent, not by any means. But to admit publicly any issues involving sexual performance would be a step not taken lightly. It's important to note that Manny has not yet revealed this officially -- note the "sources close to Ramirez suggest" part.
But the seeds of doubt have been planted. Will Manny Ramirez need help to make these seeds grow?
Hernandez further notes that even if Manny was having sexual performance issues, it's likely he would have been prescribed testosterone rather than HCG:
In rare cases, he said, HCG could be prescribed. In the case of a healthy male in Ramirez's age group, he said, the odds of such treatment would be less than 1 in 1,000.
As Superintendent Chalmers told Principal Skinner, "Well, it's clear you've been falsely accused. Because no one, anywhere, ever, would pretend to be a 44-year-old virgin."
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Another Thing
The elevated artificial testosterone defense was supposed to be that he was taking DHEA, and thus, the odd levels of testosterone in his system.
For those unfamiliar: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dehydroepiandrosterone
It’s not banned by the MLB apparently, which is absolutely hilarious to me. :o
The dropped appeal occurred when the MLB presented paperwork linking him to using hCG. Hence, even though he had a defense for the elevated testosterone, he was screwed anyway since there was no way around the fact that his doctor prescribed him hCG.
So Bill Plaschke is indeed a goddamn moron. Seriously.
only a fool would believe this lame "excuse" ...
his only dysfunction is an overwhelming since of entitlement and the burden of a monumental ego.
What’s fascinating to me isn’t whether or not Manny is innocent, but rather that he would use this embarrasing defense just to clear his name, or attempt to. Either Manny is an exceptionally rare (1 in 1000) case of someone needing HCG medically, or he is a cheater who not only doesn’t save his name but also has the “stigma” of sexual dysfunction for no reason.
Also, thanks for preserving your 100% negative comment percentage. If you aren’t a Dodger fan, why even bother posting here?
by Eric Stephen on May 12, 2009 8:23 AM PDT up reply actions
Given that every other commercial these days is geared to sexual dysfunction I don’t think there is much stigma attached to it anymore. Anybody who watches TV must assume that over 50% of the population suffers from it or they wouldnt’ be hawking it to the degree they do.
The Manny Ramirez
biographer was on the Kevin and Bean show a few months ago and she discussed her “psychological evaluation” of Manny. In short, she basically said that as a result of Manny moving from the D.R to NYC as a teenager and not speaking English, etc. he was a very quiet and reserved youth. As such, most of his antics in Boston were a result of low self esteem and trying to put on a “character” of sorts. In light of this I would imagine it would be very difficult for Manny to essentially declare to the world that he had a sexual dysfunction— if in fact that is the truth.
Note: I have no idea if the biography was authorized or not. The biographer’s trade is psychology, so I present the above argument with a grain of salt. I don’t know if the auther interviewed Ramirez for the book, and if not, proclaiming a psychological profile of Ramirez without a formal interview would be dubious at best.
by Michael White on May 12, 2009 10:12 AM PDT up reply actions
I can’t believe we are even putting any credence to the SD defense. If this was not a Dodger this place would be full of jokes at the other players expense.
by meercatjohn on May 12, 2009 10:33 AM PDT up reply actions
Are you calling me a homer?
Yup, I definately can’t refute that. What can I say…
by Michael White on May 12, 2009 10:47 AM PDT up reply actions
I’m not putting any credence into the defense; I’m just fascinated by it. It’s either true (I don’t think this is the case) or this is a desperate attempt of a guilty man to clear his name.
While there are many ED commercials nowadays, there really isn’t a public face of the dysfunction (Im not counting the creepy Enzyte guy who smiles all the time). To publicly admit such a thing is a big step, true or not.
Will Manny Ramirez need help to make these seeds grow?
That doesn’t qualify as a joke? :)
by Eric Stephen on May 12, 2009 11:00 AM PDT up reply actions
Apparently it worked.
Already over 4,000 visits today. ;-)
by Brendan Scolari on May 12, 2009 12:13 PM PDT up reply actions
KInd of Shows the Holes in the PED Policy Doesn't It?
I think that testosterone is definitely on the list of banned substances, so that would be out. So basically he admits he was taking HCG and DHEA (which is not banned). But maybe this is also consistent with his story, and if he had used steroids in the past, low testes generated testosterone would be likely.
It all just shows that the current PED policy is a joke that you can take precursors or if you are “randomly” tested in April or May, you can juice for the next six months without getting caught. I think Manny is a perfect example of why everything needs to be very transparent on what is and what is not allowed, expand the list of banned substances so it makes sense, and make it a requirement to perform random testing a random number of times year around to be eligible to sign a contract to play baseball.
But the numbers show it isn’t a joke. Offense has declined across the board since testing went into effect. The deterrent seems large enough that only desperate players would attempt to fool the system. Since testing went into effect the HOF careers of Palmeiro and Manny have gone down the tubes. If some players were still attempting to cheat the system don’t you think Manny being caught and suspended would send chills down those guys pocketbooks. 50 games is a lot of money to lose.
Do you mean
The HOF “chances” for Palmeiro and Manny? I still think there is a good chance Manny will be productive through 2010 at least.
by Eric Stephen on May 12, 2009 11:03 AM PDT up reply actions
Yes, that is what I meant. Writers were looking for good reason and now they have one.
by meercatjohn on May 12, 2009 11:20 AM PDT up reply actions
Compared to potential being at AAA
for the rest of his career? No, I don’t think the cost is too big. :o
by Chad Moriyama on May 12, 2009 3:17 PM PDT up reply actions
Every PED policy has holes in it
Anybody who thinks athletes aren’t still cheating in droves are delusional. :o
by Chad Moriyama on May 12, 2009 3:15 PM PDT up reply actions
Winner of PED defense of the day
Goes to Roger Clemens, who claimed on Mike & Mike that he’d be a fool to take steroids because of the history of heart disease in his family, including his father-in-law. :)
Comments like that are what happens when your PR guy can’t protect you from live shows. The reason we are shocked when we hear an enlightened athlete is because so many of them are dumb as a post which is great training for when they become ESPN analysts or color analysts and are confused by the numbers that are not found on the back of their baseball card.
Okay that is an over the top generalization and baseball players as a % are no stupider then the common male. Which still means that most of them are stupid as a post.
by meercatjohn on May 12, 2009 11:26 AM PDT up reply actions
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