I can't afford a lawyer but Bhsportsguy suggested I add a disclaimer like they do in movies. Screw that, all of the people in this story are real and they all resemble themselves. Except for one. At any one time whoever is the most upset about how they were portrayed in this fictional story, you are the one who was not based on a real person.
Charlie Brown Christmas Dance - Devil With the Blue Dress (via jmms429)
Dahlia leaned over and whispered in Ivdown's ear that she'd like to hear him sing. Every time she talked or looked at him his heart lept in his chest; he couldn't say no to her, so he mustered up his courage and frantically searched the song sheet for something he could perform. He wasn't feeling very confident when he spotted the song he knew he was meant to sing tonight. He signed up for it, and while he waited his turn, found himself growing more and more enchanted with this girl from his dreams. She liked what he liked, they talked about the HP books and movies, they talked about Futurerama, and they talked about how they voted No on the pot proposition.
She also seemed to look at his feet a lot instead of his face but he had no idea what that was all about.
Finally it was his turn to sing, so he took the stage and broke into the greatest version of Devil with the Blue Dress On ever sung by a white boy with no voice whatsoever to speak of. He got so carried away with his success and the standing ovation he was getting from the TBLA crowd that his common sense left him once again in a critical moment and dived onto the TBLA group as though they were a mosh pit. David saw his life flash before him but that is why Keith was there, to make sure when Ivdown did something really stupid that no one got hurt, so he plucked Ivdown out of the air like one would pluck a feather out of the sky. Ar Kansas strong is not just a saying it is a fact. Once Keith set him down it was official, Ivdown was no longer a Karaoke virgin.
However this ain't a love story and it takes a turn like the Dodgers 2010 season. As the clock struck midnight, a man took to the stage sporting a Lincecum wig, Brian Wilson beard, Giant World Championship Hat, and Jersey. He took the microphone, looked right at the TBLA group, screamed "this is for you, BITCHES" then started singing Don't Stop Believing.
Eric almost choked on his Blue Moon, as he looked around wildly for a baby or kitten to punch, Maddz started screaming a primal scream that made Josie's hair pop to a level not seen in LA since the 1970's. Humma drank more gin even though he wasn't even there, Mintxcore was playing air guitar oblivious to what was going down, David was shocking into thinking in Fortran, NoLander was looking for an old man to punch while no one was looking, Tripon was laughing, Craig N Craig were just shaking their heads and tapping their feet to the Journey beat, Ivdown was contemplating rushing the stage but the idea of jail kept him glued to his seat, while Keith wondered if California jail would be better then living in Arkansas. While everyone else was reacting to this putrefied human being, Dahlia jumped to her feet screaming
and pulled the Glock from her blue purse. Keith was watching her but unable to stop her, even with his Marine training he simply was not programmed to believe this little Hispanic hotshot was doing what she was doing; IvDown saw her but was unable to bring himself to stop her from doing anything she wanted. The Glock cleared the purse, Dahlia took off the safety, gave it the Angelia Jolie sideways shot and squeezed the trigger sending the 9MM bullet speeding toward the targets forehead.
The jerk saw the bullet in slow motion as it whisked toward his left eye, and no, he did not see his life play out before him - God does not give that luxury to Giant jerks - so by the time he figured out he was being a jerk for the last time a two-inch hole in the back of his cranium had been left by the bullet, and he was headed for the floor in the same direction as most of his brains, his limbs loosely falling about him as his Giant hat jerked off with the impact of his head hitting the floor.
In our darkest thoughts this is what the TBLA group hoped would happen when that bullet was fired, but the 9mm caliber bullet fired from the Glock was simply not strong enough to penetrate the skull of a Giant fan, so while the shot struck true and tore though the levels of lumpy flesh that coated his forehead it did not get any further, staying embedded right in the middle of his forehead. It did however knock him down and the Karaoke crowd felt he had been mortally wounded, but the reality was he was simply unconscious, which for a Giant fan is the best state. While the wound was not mortal it did have consequences, for the rest of his life he'd have a headache, but the coup de grâce was that whenever he heard Don't Stop Believing he'd piss his pants, so he had to wear Depends for the rest of his life.
During the utter chaos that followed the gunshot, Delias grabbed Dahlia and whisked her away to safety, using methods long unused but never forgotten. No one had even known Delias had been there and just like that he was gone. A thief into the night, with his precious cargo. Later that evening when the police reviewed the video, all they could see was a man wearing a Dodger hat with ear flaps who moved faster then anything they had ever seen. They all concluded it had to have been a hipster.
In the aftermath the TBLA group all stared at each other cold stone somber as the adrenaline had washed away any feeling of drunkenness. They all thought they had just witnessed a murder (justifiable) but murder nonetheless, so when they found out the Giant fan was only unconscious but not dead they all breathed a sigh a relief except for Tripon, who had hoped that he had witnessed a real murder. The big question in all their minds was where was Dahlia? No one seemed to know so when the police started asking questions they could honestly answer they didn't know who she was or where she went.
Or could they?
Ivdown would curse that Giant fan for the rest of his life for ruining for what up to now had been the hottest night in his life. As for the rest of the TBLA group it was simply
Devil with the Blue Dress On is not just a song title it is a description, and no one wore that description better then our Blue Dahlia.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone and thanks to everyone for making TBLA not just your place for Dodger information but your social gathering site of choice.