Here are seven limericks, which cover everything I've missed to date: the two Cardinal blowouts, Bison Bomb #1, Jerry Sands' debut, the ninth inning meltdown, Garland's CG, and Bison Bomb #2.
#14 YES, I’M A WEEK BEHIND, A POOP JOKE IS THE BEST I CAN DO
As Dodger fans start to get moody,
Comes Garland, but pitches like doodie.
Dunno what he was huffin’ –
That guy had nuffin!
He was less of a Jon and more Judy.
#15 HORACE GREELEY NEVER SAW THIS GUY’S STRIKE ZONE
Go West, it is said, and fo’ sho!
You’ll be famous! You’ll make lotsa dough!
You know you’re the best
Just watch out, cause the West
Turns out is an asshole named Joe.
#16 BOTTOM OF THE NINTH, NONE OUT, ETHIER ON SECOND
A shutout – down one – we got chills.
It was tense, from the beach to the hills.
Now the pitch – was it hung? –
The Bison, he swung,
And settled and paid off our Bills.
#17 NED COLLETTI INSPIRES THE TROOPS
Left field – it’s just out of our hands?
We’ll just face all the ire from fans?
Accept it’s our fate
At this early date?
Oh, fuck that – let’s call up Jerry Sands!
#18 I WENT TO BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EIGHTH
Not seeing the end, I am blind.
Outta sight, and for sure, outta mind.
If I don’t see the score
I’ve no reason to roar --
For me, they’re still one run behind.
#19 DODGER FANS ARE A FICKLE BUNCH – NOW EVERYBODY LOVES JON GARLAND
Though Garland at times throws sedately,
He had it – on Wednesday, pitched greatly.
The start of his dreams!
Redemption, it seems,
Is what have you done for me lately.
#20 BOTTOM OF THE TWELFTH, NONE OUT, ETHIER ON SECOND
Bison, magnificent creatcha!
Deposits the ball in the bleacha.
Now the word gets around
The league, it has found
You know that guy Kemp? He might beatcha.