Take me out to the bid game.

I decided that each of the bidders were pretty friendly competitors for the most part. Kind of like a sports team, right? So I decided to give each known bidder for the Dodgers a place to play and a nickname. Get ready…



Garvey/Hersh: Los Angeles Lotharios
Stadium: Old Dodger Stadium, a stadium saved in the nick of time from destruction by the Brooklyn team, but moved to Coachella to save the boss a drive. The name Los Angeles is still permitted not because of Arte Moreno’s antics, but because L.A. itself was renamed by another team; see below.

This team loves to catch you with your pants down. Don’t make any mistakes against them or you might find yourself in hot water when the season winds down in nine months. They are really dangerous when they’re holding the big stick, and also on the mound where they pound the strike zone hard.



Steven Cohen: Connecticut Cheaters (formerly the South Manhattan Swindlers)
Stadium: New Enron Field, a palatial stadium built on the backs of the shrinking middle class.

This team has pockets so deep that you’ll never find the bottom. Just watch out for what you will find! This team seems to commit many infractions of the game code, not only related to on the field issues, but off the field as well. Apparently the team’s owner thinks that the rules of insider trading are "vague", and so too are the rules involving adultery equally murky. Watch your backs in their stadium; they’ll do anything to win. They lead the league in stolen bases on the bidding field.



O’Malley: New Brooklyn Septuagenarians
Stadium: New Dodger Stadium, also known as the Los Angeles Coliseum, bought with money earned from the parting out and destruction of Dodger Stadium. Of course, New Dodger Stadium was renovated first, by which I mean it was painted with blue trim. Oh, and the team’s boss staged a coup, establishing himself as dictator of L.A. county and renaming Los Angeles to New Brooklyn.

This team is very old, but reminds fans of a history of greatness. Unfortunately, they’ve just lost a few steps and lack a serious competitive drive anymore. Additionally, their reputation was tarnished by a series of events best not recounted here (or anywhere).



Magic/Kasten: Inglewood Immortals
Stadium: The New Forum: a life-size replica of the Roman Coliseum painted purple and gold.

This team has a lineup that is feared. Why the Immortals, you ask? Well, the man who is the muscle behind this operation is impossible to keep down. Just ask Ron Westhead. Or the Laker fans who booed him after he had Westhead fired. HIV couldn’t even keep him out of the NBA altogether. And you think you can beat him on his bidding court?



Torre/Caruso: Bronx Elbow Surgery
Stadium: Armstrong Field, an indoor stadium inside of an over-the-top Los Angeles mall with turn-of-the-century charm.

Yes, the newspapers gave this team an ugly name, but man can they hit. The only problem with this team is that all of the players are overrated. Their manager is horrible but everyone seems to think he is the reason for their success, and their venue is oh-so-pretty but also oh-so-overrated. Watch out when you’re playing them; they know how to use their friends in high places to get ahead on the bidding field.

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