Just hear me out, I’m not crazy or insane. I just can’t stand the “hated ones”. Please just give me a moment to blow off some steam…
I mean is this really happening? I am a baseball fan. Not just a Dodger fan but BASEBALL. Or at least I thought I was….Throughout the year I totally follow, watch, listen, engross myself in Dodger baseball by following the best blogs- TrueBlue LA, MLB Radio when I’m in the car and MLB Network when I’m at home with time to watch TV. I try to check out each Dodger blog regularly to stay caught up. I have PrimeTicket and when the Dodgers don’t appear there I watch MLB at bat. I mean seriously I’m committed. I consider myself a baseball fan because I want to know about all of the good stuff that goes on throughout the season. Of course, I have a fantasy team or two to keep me further engrossed in the game. Hello, I go to spring training and autograph signings and actual real baseball games at the Ravine. And now….
Today, I feel like I’ve been kidnapped, beat senseless, dragged across several LA freeways face down, pissed on by a three legged dog, thrown up on by a drug dealer, mugged by a politician, had a colonoscopy without anesthetics and kissed by the Panda. Really, did Halloween come early this year because the horror and disgust of “hearing” about the Giants win like that last night against Verlander was some sort of satanic hellacious spoof. That’s right. I didn’t watch it. I was at my church’s harvest carnival helping kids have fun and sending them home with piles of candy. I heard the score from someone there when they were in the 8th inning and thought, well, I guess God is punishing all Dodger fans for what I don’t know…. I really thought Tommy had an in with the Big Guy upstairs. Not.
Can we get real here? Is there something in the Giants shower water that is only known to the comic book world that is really a sub atomic nuclear fluorescent green ooze that would normally kill the human race but used on pathetic black and orange players gives them super human baseball strength? Please God. Make it stop!! But I don’t think He’s going to make it stop. Why do I have to love the Dodgers so much? Which means I have to hate the Giants so much!
I just feel all pathetic already planning to go to Spring Training next year and spending my long winter evenings reading articles about our players getting “D’s” and incompletes on their “report cards”. It is really sad. I know we were not in a spot to do well this year and the more I think and think, and the more the Gonads keep winning and winning, the more doubt I have about next year’s team. I mean seriously, we are having our own horror show with all of the surgeries and the hurt and injured players we have clogging up the roster. ALMOST every position either had some type of injury or performed below average(feel free to debate me there). What kind of curse is that? Vladimir Shpunt wizardry? Seriously, I had and still have extreme high hopes for next season but I am on a roller coaster ride named “Pagan’s Death” and the cars are about to fly off the tracks. What a pathetic way to end the season. The Goatheads officially eliminate us… then go on to play like freakin’ super chickens winning each time in the face of elimination. The Gooney’s make me sick.
So, now, I stated at the beginning I was a baseball fan and now I can’t even watch the World Series. Obviously I am much more of a Dodger fan because my vile hatred for all things black and orange is seriously unseemly. Seriously. I know there must be some pill I can take to get over this but perhaps I should just take up underwater basket weaving until this whole nightmare is over and April 1st arrives. Oh wait, we’re playing the Giants on opening day. Why GOD WHY!!
BUT then it’s not really over even after the World Series because every time I go outside my doors, I have to deal with the Johnny-come-lately Googoo fans with their just purchased at Wal-Mart putrid black and orange. “Hey dude,” they say to me, “How are the Dodgers doing?” “AAHHHHHHHHHHHH” I respond.