I'm embarrassed. I'm as embarrassed as silverwidow would be if he could only eat four sliders from White Castle in one sitting. I'm as embarrassed as Gary would be if we found pictures of him pitching using an Inverted W. I'm as embarrassed as Hris would be if someone walked in on him cheering for the Clippers.
Why? Well, go below the fold for the ugly truth.
Burqueño 0 - The 4down Experience 10
I got skunked; a large part because my pitchers didn't reach the minimum 30 IP needed to qualify (which is BS in a short week), but that doesn't explain T4E winning every offensive category as well. Woe is me.
Corey Hart's 3 HR weren't enough as no other teammate launched more than 1 for Burqueño.
Dee Gordon's Flattop 5 - Good Time Boys 5
GTB only had two total home runs (one by AJ Ellis!) and the best batting average was .385 by Daniel Murphy. His pitching excelled, with Chad Billingsley leading hte pack with a win, 11K and a 0.00 ERA. You all saw that game, right? Zack Greinkie pitched in a win and 7K to go along with his 0.00 ERA and 0.57 WHIP for the week. No saves for GTB, though.
Megabison 4 - NedColletti 6
NedColletti edged out Megabison, though neither really had great pitching performances.
NedColletti's pitching staff was paced by... Colby Lewis who had the lone win of the matchup, and 9 K to go along iwht a 3.00 ERA and 1.33 WHIP. NC's offense was paced by Carlos Sandana's 2 H R and Ryan Bruan's .333 average. Andrew McCutchen pitched in a run and .364 BA.
Megabison had Alex Avila go into beastmode with 2 HR, 4 R, 5 RBI and a .417 average. His pitching staff was... alright. Wandy Rodriguez had a 0.00 ERA and a 1.26 WHP but just 2 K and no win to show. Justin Masterson did the best, with a 1.13 ERA and 10 Ks with a 0.38 WHIP -- but no win. The pair of saves from Jason Mottee and Joe Nathan was somehow good enough to pick up that category for MB.
Valencia Hitmen 3 - Either Ethier - 5
Either Ethier eked out a victory as the two tied on wins and runs scored.
But EE led on home runs thanks to two each form PRince Fielder and Aaron Hill, not to mention one from Andre Ethier. The EE edged three pitching categories, thanks to Roy Halladay's 1 win on a 0.00 ERA, 0.25 WHIP and 5 K and Tommy Hanson's 4 K, 1.80- ERA and 1.40 WHIP. His relievers got him no saves.
Valencia Hitmen won on batting average, tanks in large part to a .600 batting average from Mike Aviles (!) and a .421 batting average from David Freese. Ah, small sample sizes. VH fought valiently in pitching catefories, but Clayton Kershaw getting just 3 K with his 0.00 ERA and 1.00 WHIP (as we all know in 3 IP) couldn't counteract his bullpen implosions; Jose Valverde got a win but had a 18.00 ERA and Carlos Marmol had a save despite a 20.25 ERA. Doug Fister had 3 Ks with a 0.0 ERA and 1.09 WHIP but is now on the DL with an injured [Ed -- can't spell the word] join.
Elysian Park Echos 2 - Paris Dodger Germain 7
Paris Doger Germain laid a beat down, only losing the RBI and wins categories while tying the home run category.
PDG was paced by Miguel Cabrera's 3 HR and 8 RBI with a .455 average and David Wrigth's 1 HR and 3 RBI with a .667 average. The pitching staff was a bit of a fiasco, but Alexi Ogando managed to have 3 K and a 0.00 ERA and 0.00 WHIP and Ryan Dempster had 10 K with a 1.17 ERA and 0.65 WHIP. Tim Lincecum (8.44 ERA) and Daniel Hudson (5.40 ERA) didn't help out much, though.
the offense for Elysian Park Echos came from... well, not much of anybody. Lucas Duda led the way with 2 HR, 3 R and 2 RBI on a .273 average. The pitching wasn't much better, with the best starter being Jake Peavy and his 4 K, 4.50 ERA and 1.50 WHIP. Yeah, it wasn't good, especially when you see Josh Beckett's 3 K with a 13.50 ERA and 1.71 WHIP. Oof.
Turd Sandwiches 6 - El Pelone 3
Turd Sandwhiches benefited from El Pelone not reaching 30 IP -- especially since EP had more wins and saves. Ouch.
TS had Carlos Pena return to the Rays and slug 2 HR, 7 RBI, score 3 runs and hit .500. The pitching staff featured David Price's win to go along with his 2.84 ERA, 5 K and 1.42 WHIP. But Max Scherzer managed to counteract that with a 23.673 ERA with 2 K and a 3.75 WHIP.
EP was paced by Evan Longoria's 4 R, 1 HR and 1 RBI with a .600 aevrage as well as a home run form Josh Hamilton to go along with his .455 average. Kendrys Morales' .417 average wasn't bad either. The pitching stats ended up not counting, which is too bad since J.> Putz had two saves, albeit with a 4.50 ERA.
Kubo 9 - Glendale Bus Dodgers 1
A big win for Kubo as Glendale Bus Dodgers didn't reach the 30 IP requirement -- costing GBD three points (saves, ERA, WHIP) and one tie (wins).
Kubo's offense was on fire, with the bison himself, Matt Kemp, hitting .412 with 2 HR, 8 RBI and scoring 6 runs. David Ortiz pitched in a .417 average with two runs and 2 RBI. The starting pitching for Kubo had Felix Hernandez's 4.40 ERA with 13 K, a 0.98 WHIP and a win and Jordan Zimmerman's 4 K, 1.20 ERA and 0.86 WHIP and Brandon McCarhty's 6 K, 2.245 ERA and 1.25 WHIP. But the bullpen had just one save and Mark Melancon's 27.00 ERA nad 6.00 WHIP. In fact, four relievers had 10+ ERA.
GBD struggled on offense, with Jeff Francoeur's .364 average with one run and 2 RBI being the highlight. Matt Holliday launched GBD's only home run. The pitching had Matt Johnny Cueto's win with 4 K, 0.00 ERA, 4 K and 0.71 WHIP... but also had Mariano Rivera's 54.00 ERA with 15.00 WHIP and Alredo Aceves' infinite ERA and infinite WHIP. Seriously. Oh, and the stats ended up not counting because of not enough innings pitched.
Here are the Week Two matchups.
Burqueño (14) vs. Dee Gordon's Flattop (7)
The 4down Experiacne (1) vs. Glendale Bus Dodgers (13)
Megabison (9) vs. Good Time Boys (8)
Valencia Hitmen (3) vs. NedColletti (6)
Elysian Park Echos (12) vs. Ethier Ethier (5)
Turd Sandwiches (4) vs. Paris Dodger Germain (3)
Kubo (2) vs. El Pelone (11)
Discuss away below.