OK. This is your shot. On the off chance* you end up having your plea heard by the Dodgers, please provide the transcript of your original speech to the organization. Inspire them, shame them, lightly spank their backsides. (The thing about arbitrary word length requirements is they create situations where the end of a piece--or very near it-- can deteriorate under the weight of its flimsy premise.)
*You have no chance to survive make your time.