Ned's Phone Rings:

Howdy Ned, this is Jack, you never got back to me on Andre so I'm following up to see if we can get some movement

Hey Jack, me and the VP's huddled, then me and the special assistants conferred and the consensus is that we should hang onto Andre unless overwhelmed with a deal

Great, that is why I'm here, to overwhelm you. We got this defensive whiz at SS that we don't really want, so I thought you might want him.

Just to be clear - you are offering me Brendan Ryan, the worst offensive player in baseball for one of the most consistent under contract right fielders in the game?

No no, that would be ridiculous. He's just part of the package. We also want you to take Franklin Gutierrez , he's that defensive whiz who can't hit.

Just to be clear - you are offering me Brendan Ryan, the worst offensive player in baseball, and Franklin Gutierrez the oft injured center fielder for one of the most consistent under contract right fielders in the game?

Ha, no, I'd be an idiot to bother you with that package. We are also going to throw in Charlie Furbush, one of best young left handed relief pitchers in the game.

Oh, why didn't you lead with that. I was just about to hang up, but now you have my attention (wipes drool away). What else?

Okay, hold onto your hairpiece. All those three pieces, plus our stud number one pick from 2011, Danny Hultzen.

You mean the wild ass lefty who walked 43 guys in 48 AAA innings last year and was basically hit around like Mrs Jones?

Yeah, but he's got tons of promise. Tons

So, Just to be clear - you are offering me Brendan Ryan, the worst offensive player in baseball, and Franklin Gutierrez the oft injured center fielder, along with a wild ass prospect, and that stud muffin relief pitcher Charlie Furbush for one of the most consistent under contract right fielders in the game?

Kind of

What do mean, kind of?

We also need you to throw in Capuano, and pay 50% of Andre's remaining contract

Ned

Ned

Ned

Let me sell it to you. You can play Ryan at SS and move Hanley to 3rd. You can sign Boun to play CF and move Kemp to RF. You get a premium left hand relief guy, and a top prospect. All it is going to cost you is Andre, Capuano, and around $40 Million. Not to mention the cost of having to sign Bourn, so I guess this deal would cost you about $125 Million

Okay Jack, I've composed myself. I just have three questions for you.

1. Who is going to tell Hanley Ramirez he's moving to 3rd to make room for Brendan Ryan. You know he's never heard of him.

2. Who is going to tell Kemp that he's moving to RF for Bourn

3. Can this Hultzen guy become a relief pitcher? because if the answer is yes, I think we have a deal.

Really

No you fucking idiot, I'm not going to be allowed to make such a stupid trade, I've got VP's to keep me in line now.