It was June 21 when I was captured by aliens. I hoped it was a dream, but it seemed so real. I remember the day well. The Dodgers lost another one to make it 4 in a row. They hadn't won 3 in a row since the first week of the season. Last place was not just beckoning, we were already there 9 1/2 games out. That World Series victory 25 years ago was so far, far away. I know I need psychotherapy. How can I let a baseball team send me into a depression that has lasted for years? I tried to talk to my wife about it, but she just doesn't understand why a 71 year old man acts like such a fool over a baseball team. Then I was out the next morning walking through a weedy vacant lot when a voice spoke to me. "The Dodgers will win today." It was at that point that I was sucked up into a space ship and I lost consciousness. When I awoke, I was lying on the ground in the very place from which I had been taken. But things were different. The weeds were gone and the lot was full of beautiful flowers. Birds were singing. Children were playing baseball in the street. Some were saying "We want to be the Dodgers. You guys be the Giants." Then others said "No, the Giants suck. We want to be the Dodgers!" I asked one of the kids, "What day is it?" Saturday came the answer. No way could it be Saturday! I walked to the corner grocery store and bought a copy of the LA Times. The masthead proclaimed it to be Saturday, August 24. Impossible. Flipping to the sports pages and the National League West standings, I looked down to last place to see how far out we were when inexplicably, I found the Giants, not the Dodgers. Glancing upward, there we were, 10 1/2 games in front. The world began to spin around. I fainted, my head landing hard on the sidewalk.
I woke up in the hospital. My wife was standing by my bed, smiling down at me. "You've had a concussion," she said. "What happened to you?"
"Well," I said, "I was captured by aliens." Then I stopped and thought for a moment. Do I dare I tell her about the part where it was August 24th and the Dodgers were 10 1/2 games in front? Probably not, she would never believe that. Better stick to the aliens story. I wonder how the Dodgers are really doing? What day is it?