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Your Killing Me Larry

Ned: Hey Larry, I understand Miggy is on the table

Larry: Yup, the papers said you'd be calling

Ned: Were looking to make a big splash and no one can make a bigger splash then your boy

Larry: More like a Tsunami when he hits the water

Ned : Hah, so what do want

Larry: Well lets start with that CF you have playing RF.

Ned: Ethier?

Larry: No, the one causing all the trouble with Kent

Ned: Kemp? Okay then, Kemp for Miggy

Larry: Not so fast Ned, if you want Miggy it is going to be as painful for you as it is for me

Ned: I understand it hurts to give up a talent like Miggy. If your serious about trading him I need to talk contract with him. No point in us even going forward unless we are able to talk to Miggy about an extension.

Larry: No can do, our little Miggy is on vacation and doesn't want to be bothered until spring. He loves Los Angeles, he told me before he left that if Los Angeles was interested in him, to tell you guys he'd love to retire a Dodger and break Alex Rodriguez record in Dodger Stadium.

Ned: Really?

Larry: Oh yeah, he loves LA. Wants to become the 1st Venezuelan  movie star. He seemed especially interested in working in the Northwest Valley Movie industry for some reason. I guess Hollywood has moved.

Ned: That sounds great. I'm very familiar with that industry. They don't call me the "moustache" for nothing.

Ned: Okay then, with that out of the way what else do you want. I was thinking of something like Kemp, our hot little SS Hu, and our crack closer Meloan. Hu is a defensive whiz and it would really upgrade your infield.

Larry: We have Hanley at SS, we have no need for Hu

Ned: No offense Larry but Hanley sucks at SS, are you sure you don't want Hu

Larry: We know he sucks, but he thinks he's Derek Jeter, which of course he is, but he thinks that is a good thing. He won't move off of SS, were stuck with him. Don't need Hu

Ned:Hmm, how about Juan Pierre. You won a World Championship with him last time he was playing for you and that would make Big Train awful happy to have his little friend back

Larry: Were not going to bail you out of that mistake. If you want us to take Pierre your going to have to eat his contract in 2009/2010/2011. 30 Million big ones.

Ned: No, I can't do that. Joe hates him, says his little head reminds him of beatlejuice and he hated that movie but Frank would bust my balls if I did that.

Larry:  The papers said I'd be asking for Kemp, LaRoche and Kershaw. If I don't, those guys they will say I gave in to you. I need a win here, I'm trying to get a stadium built.

Ned: You need a win, Christ I spent 50 Million last year and none of them were playing except for Pierre by the end of the year. Plus I gave the Phillies a cheap starting RF who was better then the guy I spent 7 Million on. Hell even your Cody Ross was better then Gonzo and you got him for nothing from us. Who knew that these kids who don't make any money could be better then the million dollar veterans who've seen everything?

Ned: Okay, I hate to do this but how about Kemp and LaRoche. That gives you your CF and 3rd baseman.

Larry: That is a start, but only a start. I want Loney instead of LaRoche, that Loney can hit and LaRoche has those back issues.

Ned: Hmm, really wasn't planning on giving up Loney. Thought for sure you'd want LaRoche. Who is going to play 3rd base for you?

Larry: Were talking to the Yankee's about Betemit for Jacobs if we get Loney from you.

Ned: So if I throw in Loney would that get it done, Kemp, Loney, and Abreu?
Larry: No, you still have to give up the crown jewel. Like I said I need to bring  home Kershaw