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Duck Talk

Duck Talk
AFLAC DUCK: : We are happy to be sitting down with Jeff Kent today. We caught up to him during the recent Dodger caravan. How are you doing today Jeff?

JEFF KENT: :How the hell you think I'm doing. I'm talking to a stupid duck.

AFLAC DUCK: : Hey, you could be talking to TJ Simers, give me a break.

JEFF KENT: :Yeah, I'm just feeling ornery today

AFLAC DUCK: : So just like any other day then, huh?

JEFF KENT: : Yeah Yeah, let's get started

AFLAC DUCK: : So the word is that you've increased your winter workout and lost something like 20 lbs. What did you do different?

JEFF KENT: : Nothing,  that is the same PR crap they roll out every year. I do what I do every winter, which is, take care of my ranch. That is hard work compared to this wimpy baseball stuff.

AFLAC DUCK: :What exactly do you do on your ranch?

JEFF KENT: : Everything, I wrangle, I milk, I sear a hot metal object into the skin of a living steer. I'm a cowboy man, I do cowboy stuff.  When I'm not doing cowboy stuff I'm killing things. Hunting, fishing that is the life for me.

AFLAC DUCK: : So being a California kid and then a Berkley guy when did you first realize you wanted to be a cowboy.

JEFF KENT: : Hell duck, that is easy. The first time I got on a horse and felt the thrill of those muscles between my legs I knew I wanted to be a cowboy.

AFLAC DUCK: : Yeah, I know what you mean. Tell me why it took so long for you to decide to return to the Dodgers? It seemed like it was almost Christmas before we heard you were going to do your best imitation of a statue at 2nd base this year.

JEFF KENT: : It was a tough decision.  After branding a few hundred head of cattle I just didn't want to leave the ranch. Once you smell that burning flesh it is hard to shake it. But I realized that this was probably the last year where I could squeeze 10 Million bucks out of some owner and so I felt it was in my own best interest to play out my contract.

AFLAC DUCK: : It wasn't because you wanted to win a championship before you retire?

JEFF KENT: : Oh sure, that to. To win a championship is my biggest desire. It just helps the desire when they pay you 10 Million  if you know what I mean.

AFLAC DUCK: :Did any of the Dodger offseason moves help in your decision to come back?

JEFF KENT: : Firing Grady Little helped. I could never understand what the hell he was saying. And he kept playing those kids when important games were at stake. Joe Torre will set things right.

AFLAC DUCK: : So you're okay with Kemp still on the team?

JEFF KENT: : That was way overblown. You know how the media is. They get a whiff of a story and then they make a big deal out of it.

AFLAC DUCK: : Jeff, you spoke to TJ Simers and were very critical of the kids on the team. You started the whole shebang.

JEFF KENT: :Right, I'm the bad  guy. Jeff Kent is always the bad  guy. Barry Bonds was the good guy. Milton Bradley was the good guy, Matt Kemp is the good guy. Loney is the good guy. Hey I can take it. I'm a loner, just give me  my magazines and my trash can in a corner and I can do this for one more year.

AFLAC DUCK: :Speaking of problems, it was reported by TJ that you tried to give hitting advice and were rebuked. Who rebuked you?

JEFF KENT: : One of those good guys.

AFLAC DUCK: : So let me get this straight. The kids like Kemp and Loney were knocking the snot out of the ball most of the year and you tried to give them advice but they didn't feel the need to listen to a future HOF?


AFLAC DUCK: : Did it ever occur to you that maybe you should have been giving hitting advice to Nomar or Gonzo or Furcal? You might not have noticed, but they kind of sucked last year, not the kids.
Jeff Kent: They were contributing in other ways. This game isn't just about hitting and fielding. It is about character and those guys you mentioned have it in spades.
AFLACK DUCK: Quack Quack