For some of his past interviews you can check out the Duck Talk Section where we ask the questions we want to ask and try to see through the clichéd responses we normally get. For those of you new to Duck Talk, this is a complete fabrication based on interviews within my troubled mind.
Aflac Duck: On top of a craptastic season we just got the news that one of the jewels of the team will probably be undergoing surgery. How heavily were you counting on Rubby De La Rosa in 2012?
Ned Colletti: This is a huge blow to the organization, you don't find arms like Rubby's very often. I'm sick to my stomach.
Aflac Duck: This might seem silly, but if you had done some basic research you'd have found that 38 De La Rosa's have played professional baseball and they have all shown an inability to play the game. Only two De La Rosa's have shown any ability at all and both of them blew out their arms in 2011. It would seem to be a waste of time to devote any resources to someone with a sur name of De La Rosa.
Ned Colletti: What are suggesting, that I put to much faith into a player whose last name was De La Rosa?
Aflac Duck: That is exactly what I'm suggesting. Why don't you sign some Young's. They are black n white, short n tall, fast n slow, power n singles, pitchers n hitters. The Young's run the whole gamut of success in major league baseball. You could field a team of Youngs. past and present.
Ned Colletti: That is the most asinine thing anyone has ever said to me.
Aflac Duck: I beg to differ, the most asinine thing anyone has ever said to you was suggesting that Carlos Santana would not be able to catch in the major leagues.
Ned Colletti: Oh big deal. Carlos Santana Carlos Santana Carlos Santana, that is all I ever hear. Have you noticed his batting average is .231. Big ffing deal.
Aflac Duck: BA is not my kind of stat but since you went there, lets talk about the batting averages of the players you either acquired this past winter or made a conscious decision to bring back. Uribe (.204), Barajas (215), Navarro (.199), Marcus Thames (.197), and James Loney (.253). Just for good measure I'm going to throw in Furcal (.197) just to cherry pick the heck out of this line of thought. For a combined 25 Million you got a potful of suck. Is any GM in baseball getting less bang for their buck then the Dodgers? And that is just the sorry ass hitters you have thrown at the Dodger fans.
Ned Colletti: Easy to bring up the failures but what what about Miles / Carrol and ............ Tony Gywnn?
Aflac Duck: You are a stud at identifying single hitters. No one does it better then you, why that trio alone has produced 190 singles. That is something to hang your hat on Mr Colletti when you go hat in hand looking fro that next gig.
Ned Colletti: I've got two NLCS in my hat, I won't need much else.
Aflac Duck: We already noted that you blew a huge chunk of Frank's spare change to build one of the worst offenses in baseball. You basically surrounded your MVP with duck shit. You didn't do much better in the pitching arena. You started with a crown jewel in Kershaw, a decent pitcher in Chad, and lucky enough found that Kuroda only wants to pitch for the Dodgers. So starting with 3 / 5 in the rotation you added Lilly and Garland to the rotation, Padilla as the gap between the rotation and bullpen, and Matt Guerrier. Each of them have failed in their own way. Garland was a physical risk and while he had a track record of being one of the best innings eaters, he also had an MRI that said stay away to the other general managers. You gambled and lost. To your credit you knew you were gambling so you signed Padilla as insurance for both the rotation and bullpen with Broxton being a huge question mark. Padilla also went down which also should not have been a surprise given his health history in the summer of 2010. Another waste of 6.5 Million. Frank must be loving you. Not to be outdone you signed Lilly for 34 Million over three years. The best news for Frank is that this is his cheapest year. Next year he gets to pay Lilly 13 Million for possibly continuing being the worst starting pitcher in the NL West. This year Mr. Lilly ERA+ ranks dead last among NL West pitchers who have made at least 10 starts. In fact, no one is even close to him.
Rk Player ERA+ GS Year Age Tm G IP H ER BB SO ERA HR OPS+ 6 Ted Lilly 72 22 2011 35 LAD 22 123.2 131 69 28 94 5.02 23 126 19 Mat Latos 87 20 2011 23 SDP 20 118.2 114 54 45 112 4.10 11 105 20 Chad Billingsley 88 22 2011 26 LAD 22 134.1 132 62 56 118 4.15 8 103Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Play Index Tool Used
Aflac Duck: In a season that one would be hard pressed to find ONE good move you made this past winter, you also signed Matt Guerrier. MSTI wondered why him? Ken Gurnick noted that this was the longest relief pitcher contract since Jeff Shaw way back in 1998. You defended the signing by saying
NC: Matt gives us depth in the bullpen as he's proven to be a strong performer on a team that contends year in and year out, he's willing to take the ball in any situation and his track record speaks for itself. We're excited to have him in the late innings for the next few seasons.
Yet here we are in August and all those millions spent on Matt could have been spent on Frank's pedicures given the production you have gotten from it. From those left in the bullpen he's kind of the last guy anyone wants to see pitch these days.
NC: I don't think anyone wants to see Kuo pitch right now
Aflac Duck: Quack Quack, good point. Good to see you have not lost your sense of humor. Somehow I don't think Frank is laughing given that no one is buying tickets to see this team. How does it feel to look upon Chavez Ravine and see the stadium 1/2 empty night after night?
NC: Don't blame me because the fans are boycotting Frank?
NC: It is easy to be the Monday Morning quarterback but I feel I did the best I could do given the resources I had at my disposal. Many fans wanted Adam Dunn to replace Loney. Good thing I didn't squander what budget I had on that. Sure just about every single FA I signed this past winter other then Kuroda has been a failure. This is baseball, some things just don't work out. Not like there are any predictive metrics that would have warned me to stay away from this group of under performing malware.
Aflac Duck: You got to be a seller for the first time this summer. How do you think you did?
NC: I was awesome, first off I moved a healthy Rafy for a AA guy who strikes out a lot and plays the outfield. Then I followed that up by making the last deal of the trading deadline by trading an outfielder who strikes out a lot for a backup catcher, a worthless setup guy, and an arm that Vance Lovelace just raves about.
Aflac Duck: Yes Ned, you were awesome.
Aflac Duck: So what does the future hold?
NC:Looks like crap to me. Good thing I'll be the GM of the Cubs by this time next year.
Aflac Duck: Are you going to try to sign Kemp to a long term deal before you go?
NC: Stewart just laughs whenever I call him. Matt Kemp is going to be an extremely wealthy man in about 18 months.
Aflack Duck: Can you give the fans any bones to make them feel better about the future?
NC: Sure, Uribe will be here for a while. So will Lilly, and Guerrier. Add in Flash Gordon, and don't forget they get Kemp and Andre for one more year. So 2012 is going to be alot like 2011, 2013 is when the shit hits the fan. Luckily for Dodger fans when I trade Kemp at the trading deadline next summer I might still be here to make sure they get the biggest bang for their buck. I bet I can stock a bullpen that will last through the next decade.
NC: Almost forgot, don't forget the weak hitting backup catcher who will be competing for a job in 2012. He was in the Red Sox organization so he must be good. He'll make all Dodger fans forget about Jeff Mathis when they see him control the running game.
Aflack Duck: Back to the present, what went wrong?
NC: I really don't know. I built the team just like the defending World Champions were built. I created a crappy offense and loaded up on the pitching. Yet here we are fighting for last place and the Giants who have no more offense then we do are in first place. We have a Lincecum in Kershaw. They don't have anything like Matt Kemp and they still tower over us. Maybe I should get more crappy hitters, though it does appear that Andre is headed in that direction so maybe I don't need to do anything.