One of the things I do to pass the time without baseball during the winter is to watch as many Hallmark Channel Christmas movies as I can. Yes, they are formulaic and predictable, but they are fun to have on in the background at least, and sometimes suck you in to the very end.
Well, we are without baseball again, but it’s too far from Christmas so those movies aren’t on. So I thought I would make up some new Christmas movies, but with a Dodgers theme. Hallmark Channel, call me.
Please enjoy these 12 film synopses.
A veteran left-hander struggles through the worst stretch of his career, thanks to an inconsistent curveball that keeps getting hit over the fence. He finds the strike zone again, and finds love along the way after a chance encounter with a friendly white-bearded man at the local mall.
The 12 Ceys of Christmas
A woman moves back to her hometown after a nasty breakup, but her sadness is soon forgotten as a secret Santa mails her a dozen packages, each one containing a baseball card of her favorite third baseman growing up. Little does she know her gift giver was her high school sweetheart, but when she finds out the intersection of love and baseball becomes the hot corner.
Deck the Halls
When asked for help finding a true love, Santa tells a girl her future husband is a relative of a former Dodger named Hall. She dedicates her life to tracking this man down, scaling the family trees of Toby Hall, Bill Hall, John Hall, and Darren Hall, who combined for 110 games with the Dodgers. Will she catcher soulmate before Christmas?
Last Minute Stocking Stuffy
At just 5 for 39 (.128) in parts of three major league seasons, interrupted by military service in The Great War, our hero can’t find any luck at the plate, or with the ladies. Until a brief fling in Brooklyn, that is, when he hits .364 and holds the fifth-highest OPS in franchise history (minimum 10 PA), and falls in love to boot.
Auld Lang Syne Stealing
A rich man from the big city is in the market for a ring for his beloved, only to find every jewelry store in the area sold out of each of his top choices. It turns out that someone — coincidentally from Houston — hacked into his phone and knew every type of ring he wanted, and beat him to the punch, buying out every store in an attempt to steal his love away. Will our hero overcome his dejection to propose to his love by New Years Eve? Can he beat the buzzer?
A Cartridge in a Pear Tree
A series of couples who warm up for Christmas and satisfy their wintertime baseball longing by watching their old videos of the last time the Dodgers won the World Series on VHS cartridges, the only format that was available at the time.
Christmas in Wheezer Dell
Two longtime co-workers find love on a writers retreat in a small town, oddly named for a former Dodgers pitcher who pitched the final inning of the first World Series in franchise history. There’s definitely multiple scenes with a gazebo in this film.
Inside Lewallyn, Dennis
A struggling singer is looking for the perfect song, and life on the road proves hard to find love. But her high school crush, with whom she has shared 19 intermittent dates over a five-year span, inspires her career-making hit and wins her heart in the process.
God Rest Ye, Merry Gentile Man
A young man battles depression as his favorite prospect can’t break through in the majors despite hitting 160 home runs in five minor league seasons before turning 24. Stuck behind Gil Hodges, this prospect finds very little playing time with the Dodgers, and the fan’s depression sinks lower as his favorite team moves out of Brooklyn. The fan moves to Baltimore to start anew and finds the love of his life, and gets back into baseball again when that same prospect finds his way to the Orioles and hits 124 home runs in his first four major league seasons, fifth-most in the American League.
It’s Christmas, Carroll
As power goes out in the city on the day of the big parade, town alders call on the best man for the job. Enter Jamey Carroll, the Dodgers non-pitcher with the most WAR despite hitting zero home runs, who saves the day just in time for the historic lighting of the town Christmas tree.
Stengel All The Way
An alternate history of Brooklyn’s love affair with Casey Stengel, who in this timeline wasn’t let go as Dodgers manager after the 1936 season. Instead, he remained at the helm as the team got good in the 1940s, then won handfuls of championships with the Boys of Summer, leading to the construction of the ultra-modern Stengel Field that kept the team in Brooklyn.
The First No L
A married couple recounts the tale of how they met 50 years prior, when the intrepid teenage boy wouldn’t take no for an answer from his crush. Thinking of something to make him quit pestering her, she relents to a date, but only if the Dodgers sweep the World Series, something they never did in their first 79 years as a franchise. But after a fateful four games against the Yankees, the boy got his date, and the rest was history.